I am Hungry...

I think I will start this post with an apology. For I have heard from many people that they enjoy reading my blog because I am witty, clever, and interesting. However, it is not news to me that my last few posts have been somewhat less witty and probably full of non-existing humor.

Truth is, I lay in bed at night thinking of clever ways to put my stories into words but by the time I wake up and get myself to the office in front of my computer the cleverness has somehow slipped off my fingers onto the murky roads it takes me to travel here.

So, I apologize, but this blog is going to be another insight into what is exactly happening in my struggle to figure out life as I know it at the moment.

This past weekend I took two days to focus on prayer, meditation, and reading my bible. It was wonderfully awful. Incredibly painful, yet absolutely beautiful. I still have no idea what it is that God is leading me to exactly, yet I know that He has something spectacular in mind. By that I mean, whatever it is I do, He will be the one to get the Glory. Which has become my ultimate goal.

Last week I also encountered a couple who told me about the call God has on my life and prayed for me on the street in front of everyone. If you want to hear the story.. just email me. It is kind of long.

I long not to be famous, but to be faithful. This is a fight within everyone of us whether we believe in God or not. The self-exaltation and pride that creeps up within each of us. I will be the first to admit that I must fight this urge to do something that will put my name in lights… and instead show His glory to those who do not know it. That is, ultimately why I have a blog… Hey Everyone… Look at what I am doing! What a terrible self-exalting trick we all play with ourselves. This struggle within me is probably why I have stopped trying to be so clever and started to be incredibly honest with you, that you may challenge me in the issues I raise.

I spent the afternoon into the evening yesterday, Sunday, trying to wrap my mind around how I would be able to start an organization that helps Deaf children around the world. What a large task. That is TOO much for me to even think about. Each time I do think about I begin to weep. You can not possibly teach these children about love if they have no education much less no language at all! Where to begin? It is TOO much Lord, TOO much!

Deuteronomy chapter 8: God has led the Israelites into the desert for 40 years and they are HUNGRY. They begin to complain to God and to Moses about the fact that they are hungry and that God isn’t providing for them. They are in a Desert, No food around, No comprehension of how they will be able to eat soon and then… GOD PROVIDES. He provides them with Manna… This is something not only they had never seen but their fathers had never seen… God created something that had never existed in the human mind up until that point to satisfy the need of His people so they can continue on in His will.

‘Gods plan, done in God’s way, will never lack God’s resources.’ –Hudson Taylor (a man who is probably the single most responsible person for the salvation of thousands in China still to this day.)

So, what am I to worry about? (matt 6) I will seek a miracle that of the Manna. God will have to do something out of my comprehension in order to get this organization started, to begin to help these Deaf children all over the world who have no hope at this moment. This is my Holy Ambition. (Romans 15)

I have 39 days left here. To some of you those will be short days and for some.. they might be longer. However, to me... they are exactly enough for what God is doing here.

growing increasingly hungry yet satisfied everyday...

Toni

Toni

Mostly Speratic...

I realize the January 20th is not the ideal time to create your New Years resolution list, much less start any of the items on the list. So, even though i am putting some of these in writing, i am not going to pressure myself to complete them... since we are already 20 days into the new year.

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those dots are supposed to represent the time i spent trying to come up with some New years resolutions..... I guess i am just meant to live one day at a time. So, instead of coming up with things that I want to accomplish this year, I will highlight my random ongoings in life on this blog throughout my time. Anyway, i don't have a specific itch to do one thing or another anymore. I will just take the activities that arise and leave the others for later.



Things have really been coming together the past couple of days. The Senioritis type feelings that were rising inside of me have someone ceased, at least died down quiet a bit. I am appreciating the 105 degree weather and sporting the shorts and tank tops even to the office.

I eat the fresh fruits and veggies with total and utter appreciation for the fact that when i arrive home everything will be frozen, including the vegetables. What they call 'fresh' at the supermarket will never compare to the experience of this greatness my mouth takes advantage of in every bite.

the sunsets here are absolutely breath taking everyday. The clouds that surround each evening are more impressive to me each night. Even more impressive than the orange and pink glow that seems to cascade from heaven itself onto the shores of the ocean.






I have always loved rain. The warm rain here is somewhat refreshing. Even as i speak right now a cloud burst open and is pouring water outside the window to the left of me. The amazing scent of freshness and a slight and ever so short cool breeze sneaks in past the warming computers. But i look out the window in front of me across the room and the sun is still shining bright. This happens very often. A short rain on only part of the sidewalk. Beauty and quizzical happenings like this, i enjoy and will miss.
Apparently I voiced this opinion just now out loud. I am told that this is called a Sunny Rain and it means that one of the gods is getting married. Supposedly the god that has a horse head and human body. So, congratulations Horsehead god on your special day. Also, this happens at least once a week so there must be many of that species in Asia. To clarify, they are Catholic, but they hold a lot of the native superstitions that were here even before the Spanish, Japanese and Americans took over.
The real reason is that the pressure breaks up the clouds from the scattered islands and the rain is short lived.

I do have a confession to make though. i miss Vikings games. especially when i keep getting amazing updates on how they are doing. To be honest... I was pretty upset about the whole Brett Farve thing... but come on, who cares how we get there as long as we do! I have some friends who enjoy making Parody songs. This one is great and has been played on the radio in the cities. Please feel free to forward the link.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5Vl8YakINc


i think that is enough speratic comments for one day. I need to get back to work.

hope you are all doing well. Emails are appreciated. :)

A personal note

As I sat alone in my bungalow last week I started thinking to myself, “Why was it that I came here again?”

I don’t mean ‘here’ as in the Philippines… to be honest I couldn’t wait to get back to this country before I left it the first time. However, why did I come to Bohol?
Why didn’t I go back to Leyte?
What was my reasoning for working on this island… at least 6 hours travel away from where my enlightenment of the 3rd world Deaf came from?
What is going to happen to those children in Tacloban, Leyte that I first met almost exactly two years ago?
Have I even made an impact where I am now?

Some of those questions can’t really be answered fully, yet. On Saturday night I reluctantly attended a birthday party for a 3year old who belongs to one of the teachers at the high school where I live. I say reluctantly not because I do not enjoy the company of this teacher or his now 3 year old daughter, I very much have appreciated their company over the past 4 months. But I say this because I have somehow developed an antisocial tendency. And the worst part about it is I have grown acquainted to this new behavior and somewhat enjoy it.

Those of you reading this who know me, understand this is not a part of who I am. I recognize this feeling though… the exact image mirroring my attitude when I first arrived at college. So far away from home, so many new people to potentially become my friends. Instead of relishing in the fact that I could meet a million new people, I shyed away and stayed in my room most of first semester and went home every single weekend for fear of making new friends and forgetting my old ones… or worse yet, that my old friends would experience the same excitement of meeting new people and forget me! This is a new revelation to me even as I type these words. I now see that I have developed this behavior once again for fear that I will get even closer to the amazing people I have met here, only to leave them for months maybe even years before I will see them again.

How ridiculous. I actually remember having a conversation resembling this situation with Almira, my host in Indonesia. She said, well isn’t it better to have known those people for a short time, allowing them to touch your life for those moments than to have never met them at all? I suppose she is right. Ok.. she is absolutely correct.

I see I have swayed from my original intention of this post. I met a man who worked on the IDEA board of directors for many years and then he and his wife lived in Bohol for 3 years teaching bible studies to some of the Deaf. He explained that one of the things he and his wife really wanted to see happen was an evangelism team to go out to the different elementary schools. But they were never able to get it going. This is the one thing that has taken up most of my time here, creating the 4 year evangelism curriculum for the elementary schools. And we have already been going to visit each school every other weekend. What a blessing to see that this task of mine was soaked in prayer three years ago… long before I had left the USA for the first time!

One of the Deaf women who works in fly-tying gave me several tips on how to teach bible stories to the elementary students. She told a few Old Testament stories in FSL so I could understand the importance of acting out the stories rather than telling them. Her rendition of Noah and the flood literally brought me to tears. It was tragic and devastating. Her facial expressions and actions made me feel like I was one of those who didn’t listen to Noah when he warned the people.

I could on for pages about my new revelations I have had in the past week, but most of them have come from just meditating on God and listening to John Piper sermons… so it would be rather boring for you to read. Anyway… keep praying for me… and never loose faith, I haven’t.

I was not ready for you either; 2010

I realize that it may be the fact that I have been on the other side of the world the past 4 months, but I was and frankly still am surprised that it is 2010. I am sure i am not alone in this. Was it really 10 years ago when i sitting with my friends just waiting for the global electronic collapse that would send everyone into chaos? indeed. And i can admit now, i was a little nervous... but come on, i was 13.

I wanted to wait and post about my time in Indonesia until I had my pictures to go along with the stories. My camera decided to quit, so I will have to wait until i have time to find someone with a card reader to get my pictures. Until then I will continue to leave you wondering exactly what happened over there.

There are a few things in 2009 that were left out of my blog and deserve a mention.

My baby sister had her Sr. Prom. Can you believe it was already 5 years ago since I graduated high school? She was absolutely beautiful.




My best friend and her boyfriend were finally able to come and visit Upsala. She has been my best friend for about 4 years now. Having grown up in a suburb of Minneapolis, Upsala and the surrounding Small towns were sure a treat for Holli and Mark to experience. I didn't know touring Morrison County could be so much fun.






After taking a semester off to go to the Philippines Spring of 2008 I finally graduated college with my BA in Sign Language and English Interpreting in May of 2009. My whole family and even my Grandma Scott came to celebrate with me. What an honor.



After receiving a phone call from a friend I met 2nd year in college who had to leave due to financial reasons i found myself on the next flight to Florida for the weekend. This was my first time there. (i don't know where i put those pictures...)

This was a summer filled with weddings. Between my friends and Josh's friends we had plenty of free food almost every weekend.

Jenny and Ben Olsen (who are now living in Vietnam teaching English)




Courtney and Tyler Lange (she just gave birth to their 2nd baby boy 3 weeks ago!)



Laura and Joel Myer



One of my best friends tends to buy a crappy car near the end of its life every winter. He proceeds to drive it through the winter with fingers crossed. With the help of a few other guys he tears it apart in the spring for the Princeton Demo Durby. 2008 i was unable to attend the Derby because of my sister's birthday. This past year...August 2009, he took First place.

Congratulations Croy!



Even though graduating college is a really big deal, and winning first place in a demo derby is a big deal... nothing can compare to the wedding of best friends. Josh's best friend from High School, Brady and his (now) wife who has become one of my best friends over the past few years got married on September 5th. It was such an amazing time of friendship, love and laughter. There couldn't be a more perfect couple. Josh and I were both in the wedding. It was a great last HooRah before I left to the other side of the world on September 11th.

Mr. and Mrs. Haislet:



All the Bridesmaids and the Bride




Josh and I during the reception:





Things I did in 2009 that i have never done before:
jumped off a waterfall
taught a formal sign language class
rode a small boat from one island across the ocean to another island
ate chicken intestine, pork/beef skin, chicken liver, and numerous other foods
held a sea urchin
attended an indonesian wedding
learned how to pray like a Muslim
made my own silver ring
went river rafting
climbed a mountian
took 7 flights within 3 weeks
drove motorcycle in a 3rd world country
went scuba diving
held a shark
rode a sea turtle
made chili

went to Indonesia
(i have a few pictures that were sent to me from friends over there)



The first moments of 2010: A peak into what Indonesia had in store...

moments after the new year began on this side of the world:




at a rice farm:


River Rafting:






Life has been exciting in Asia. only 2 months left and I will be making memories of 2010 in America.